I just can't stand holding in every single emotion i have everytime i get in the car.
This is exactly the reason why i don't want to know WHY. I don't want to know the reasons why you, him and i are apart. I never want to know, even in the future. Cos i don't want to take sides, i don't want to have a certain feeling around you or him. So please respect that. There might still be some unresolved issues, but please don't show it infront of me. Don't show that side of you towards him, infront of me. Yes, i am suppose to understand because clearly, i am already at this age of a young adult. But deep down, i'm still this small kid. I still have so many 'What Ifs' in my head. I still look at both your photos together. I still cry when i suddenly think about it. I still think i am just this one person handling all this by myself. I don't have any brothers or sisters to cry to. I just keep it all bottled inside. Cos at the end of the day, when you come into my room and ask me how was my day with them, i know deep down you are somehow expecting a certain response. But no, i just answer the same old thing again and again, 'It was okay'. I don't like it. I don't like thinking back about my day cos you don't know that i hold back my tears while i salam them. You don't know that i hate saying goodbye to them and him. You don't know that i cry while driving back home.
You don't know because before i get down the car, i would wipe away all the unnecessary tears and put on a plain face just to get by the other half of the day.
