purple

As we grow older, we start to change. For good or bad.. that's a whole different story.

I start to realize that trying to explain things to people just to make sure you get your story straight is way too hard and sometimes.. not even worth it. They have their minds set to something that they think is right and to me, you can think whatever you want to think but i know my intentions are good. You can say all you want but you don't know how much i too, value friendship. You only see what's expressed on my straight face but you don't know how weak my heart can be when it comes to my loved ones. 

I learned that trying to prove to those that don't even believe in you is a challenge. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have get to the top and go to them one day and say, "Hey, look at me now." It just means that you gotta prove you can do this.. to yourself. Only then would you know how good you are. How capable you are. How successful you can be. I hope to prove to myself one day that the next 5-7 years of medical school would be something that i can do. Something that i can be proud of.

Patience. I'm not saying to wait all day and night doing absolutely nothing just to see what comes to you. It simply means.. waiting to see what path God has created for you. Before exams, we pray and pray that we would be able to answer with a calm mind. We hope to do well in all tasks. After exams.. do we still remember Him? Do we simply forget that He was the one we seek for help but once it's over and done with, we forget to now thank and pray for the outcome? I try to always remember that even to those around me. But the problem is, some people don't interpret my actions as how i would like it to be seen as. So all i do is be patient.

home

When your whole relationship is about distance, it really makes you appreciate all the little things that we sometimes used to overlook.

A month after i said 'yes', off you went. But i guess it was something we are used to even before we got together. But that was entirely different as compared to the 'distance' we had to face now as we are together. It was hard. It was really hard at first because i didn't get the chance to have you by my side a bit longer. But this thing that we went through taught me a lot of things. To me, it's not about you making me at ease at the fact that you had to go for awhile. It's about me making you feel at home at a place you weren't familiar with. It's not you that has to calm me down if i am unhappy but it is me that wants to make sure you're okay with your new surrounding. And when you're going through one of those days that you feel homesick or just not in the mood, i shouldn't question the silence on the phone as i know there are so many things going through your head. You miss home. You miss your family. You miss your bed. You miss your lamb. You miss the guys. 

I prayed before you left that you'd meet friends that would have the same aim and to finish your studies together. I prayed that you would be comfortable with whoever and wherever you may be. I pray that you would be strong to go through a year far from your family and friends. And i also prayed that God would strengthen our relationship through this challenge we are facing.

-

I just can't stand holding in every single emotion i have everytime i get in the car.

This is exactly the reason why i don't want to know WHY. I don't want to know the reasons why you, him and i are apart. I never want to know, even in the future. Cos i don't want to take sides, i don't want to have a certain feeling around you or him. So please respect that. There might still be some unresolved issues, but please don't show it infront of me. Don't show that side of you towards him, infront of me. Yes, i am suppose to understand because clearly, i am already at this age of a young adult. But deep down, i'm still this small kid. I still have so many 'What Ifs' in my head. I still look at both your photos together. I still cry when i suddenly think about it. I still think i am just this one person handling all this by myself. I don't have any brothers or sisters to cry to. I just keep it all bottled inside. Cos at the end of the day, when you come into my room and ask me how was my day with them, i know deep down you are somehow expecting a certain response. But no, i just answer the same old thing again and again, 'It was okay'. I don't like it. I don't like thinking back about my day cos you don't know that i hold back my tears while i salam them. You don't know that i hate saying goodbye to them and him. You don't know that i cry while driving back home.

You don't know because before i get down the car, i would wipe away all the unnecessary tears and put on a plain face just to get by the other half of the day.

polka

Will be posting soon...... wait for it!

people

Stereotyped.

People get the wrong idea.

para

Tests coming up next week and i have to start revising. During Bio today, we were surprised by a pop quiz.. as my lecturer called it. Shock of our livesssss cos we didn't revise a single thing! But thankfully it was okay, pheww :p Tomorrow is gonna be a long day as my Wednesdays are always full..

On Sunday night, my dream came true.. as Paggie said it. But i had to correct her as it came true.. again!!! Hehehe

Hari Jubah

Inspiring.

w

You won't find him drinking at the tables
rolling dice and staying out til 3
you won't ever find him being unfaithful

You won't find him trying to chase the devil
for money, fame, for power, out of grief
you won't ever find him where the rest go

When the money's spent and all my friends have vanished

and I can't seem to find no help or love for free

I know there's no need for me to panic

Never in my life have i met someone like him

I'm blown away by his love for me

if you ever wonder where it is you'll find him,

you will find him next to me.